Mah friends. Today I gonna tells you bout Fat Piper.
This Fat Piper when she were a baby. She were not so fat then. I hears she were not so mean, either.
I know she look cute, but she hate me. Fat Piper are mah cousin. She live with Grandma and Grandpa and she hate me.
It are not mah fault. I tries to be so nice. I tries to do a play bow, and Fat Piper hide in a corner. I tries to help her eat her foods, so maybe she not be so fat, and she make a growly at me. I tries to get pets from mah Grandpa so that Fat Piper not have to work so hard at bein good dog (you knows, since she old, she maybe could re-tire), and Piper hate that.
One time I gets even. Fat Piper has to stay at mah house once with Grandma and Grandpa acause they doesn’t have the lek-tricitee in the snow storm. And I locks Piper outside and I laughs.
Hahaha, mah toes warm, your toes cold!
But mah friends. I tells you a secret. You cans not tell anyone, k?
(Sometimes, I jell-us, acause I knows that before I was born, Mommy loves Piper so much. And I know mah Mommy still loves Piper, even though she love me best. I want all the love for mahself!)
But mostly, mah friends, even more than I jell-us, I really wants Fat Piper to like me. I wants her to play with me and share her foods and snuggles with me and be mah friend. I wants her to play tug with me and be mah buddy.
I gonna sees Fat Piper tomorrow, when I goes to visit Grandma and Grandpa, and I tells you, mah friends, I gonna be so good. I gonna be on my bests behavior and sit so nicely and not make a fuss one bit. And maybe Fat Piper gonna like me tomorrow. Maybe she gonna let me sleep on the big bed next to her. Acause I know we could be the best of friends, if she were not such a mean old fatty.
I make a ree-port back bout how it go. You cross your paws for me, mah friends. Fat Piper and I gonna be best buddies yet.