Hi friends. It Piper here. I jus wants tell you all, I’m real sick. Mah back legs, we all knows they don’t work so good. They not workin so good right now. And mah belly, it not feelin so good. So I only likes to eat real delishus chikins right now.
Hi mah friends! Today, Lucy gonna tells you bout how I were helpful, bout how I maek a thing with Mommy Daddy!
First thing you gotta do, you gotta take all the parts out of the box of the Thing. Well, first Mommy go the KEA and pick your Thing up, then Daddy bring it in the house, but THEN you take all the parts out of the box.
This when you tell your Daddy he gotta help, that you gots a job for him. You let him know this such hard work, and he will help. This maeks Daddys feel very portant, and that maek them happy. Daddys need jobs to do, this a thing I know for shure.
But best part of Maek a Thing is at the end, wen you jus sit in front of your Thing and know what a good job you done. You know it such a helpful Thing, hold many of the things, look so nice in the room, maek your Mommy so happy. Now you can go to the KEA and maek your own Thing, friends!!
No. No it are not so. I kno right ways that I not go. I kno right ways that we goin to the Kennel. Haet it there. Haet how they give me freezey Kong, haet how they pet me, haet how those other dogs be so mean to me.
They like, “Duh Lucy on Wen-day we wear pink.” And I’m like, “Wut? Wut I don’t know this!” And they like, “Lucy you wearin sweatpants, you can’ts sit with us!” And I’m like, “These sweatpants only pants fit Lucy right now!” And they like, “Ugh Lucy you don’t even GO HERE.”
I throws a fit. Wen other dogs walk past mah condo, I throws mahself into the walls. I throws mahself into the walls and I cries and cries and cries. I goes, ‘BARK BARK BARK THEY ALL SO MEAN TO ME WAAAAAAH HAET THEM HAET THIS PLACE HAAAAAAAAEETTTTTTT’. For hours. For millions of hours.
Well wut you kno. The Kennel Lady call mah Daddy in Cally-forn-ya. It so bad she call mah Daddy at 6 the morning! Hahahaha she say, “Lucy so upset, Lucy jus get sick it so urgent you come rights now and you fetch her acause she has made herself sooooooo sick you mus come get her right away and take her home and never can she ever come back here acause it jus too much for her sensy-tive delly-cate smart brain to handle.”So gess wut? Mah Mommy get so worried bout me, she call mah Grandma right way and say, “Grandma it URGENT go get poor Lucy, she jus so sick, go gets her right way!” and Grandma DOES IT.
So as it turn out, this are pretty much mah best Kennel stay ever! As it turn out, I never allow to go back to Kennel again! If Mommy Daddy go way, they gotta either brings me, or I gotta go Grandma Grandpa’s house!
So mah friends, hope you learns from Lucy. Sometime, you gotta do a bad acause it turn out to be a good. Sometime you gotta make a tan-trum and fake a sick to get the good thing you KNOW you need.
I gets tasty treat every month from the BarkBox. This time, I get a small minty bone greenie. I sniffs it – it smell like the plant I eat in the yard! It so delishus, I eat this, and I eat a bar-bee-Q nibbler and I love them all!
I likes when we do jelly time, but mah friends, I tells you this: BarkBox time the best time the month of all! I hope all mah friends are good dog too and get the BarkBox to their house!
Look that bratty face. Look how she hammin on the cam-ra for noms. She so fame-us she go on the Our Waldo Bun-gie blog and get lots of fans.
And gess wut I doin?
I in somethin called a ‘boo camp’ learnin how to lissen Mommy and Daddy when they says ‘Good Lucy’ and not jus when they give me treats. This so I stop thinkin food the mos im-por-tant. And so I doesn’t guard it. Oh mah dog. Does you know how much this are a suck?
So Fat Piper get new friends. She get all the noms and all the nibblins. And all I get the scritch on mah neck and snuggles with mah Mommy and happy words. And Mommy say how I the smartest girl that ever live.
Hullo friends, you know the yes-ter-day was? It were Mommy Day!
But mah bestest friend in all the world, that are mah Mommy. She take the care of me, she save me from mah scary dream, she snuggle me, she take me on run up and down the road, she take me to beach, she sing song to me, and she love me all the time, even when I do a little bad. I love you too Mommy! You mah bestest friend!
This a speshul day that are confusing in mah mind. But I know it are to do with the Mexy-co. It like, the Mexy-co beat on the France, in a battle in a Pweb-Lo which are like, a Mexy-co word for ‘outside house made of the mud’. But that confuse me, and Mommy say no, it not a Pweb-Lo it a Pweb-La which I think are jus a city and not a mud house at all. So instead make the sense of his-try, I jus celly-brate Mexy-co! Would you like to know what I does best on Sink-O Dey Mah-O? I eats a car-neet-us!
Then I make a mar-ga-reeta! This so delishus. I hear Mommy like the mar-ga-reeta too, but I can’ts has the kind she has, acause it has Mommy’s Medicine in it. (I not allowed to have that kind of medicine.)
So maybe I has too many the mar-ga-reetas after all. Maybe I has too much Sink-O Dey Mah-O. Next year, maybe I jus gonna have double car-neet-us and none the mar-ga-reetas I think. How you celly-brate the Sink-O Dey Mah-O this year mah friends?